Working With Difficult People

Emotions, Ego and a Culture of Acceptance

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Difficult people. The staple of every software development company, big or small. They’re the ones you tiptoe around during meetings, the ones who somehow manage to make everything about them, and, for reasons beyond our comprehension, they continue to be tolerated. Let’s be real: there’s no point in being a technical wizard if no one wants to work with you. But yet, here they are, surviving and thriving, with their egos being stroked just enough to keep them from causing a full-blown meltdown.

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The Expert Who Refuses to Be a Team Player

You know the type. They’ve got the skills, no question, but getting them to actually contribute to the team effort is an exercise in diplomacy, psychology, and maybe a touch of black magic. They’ll pick and choose the tasks they like, conveniently ignoring the ones that require them to play nicely with others. If something goes wrong, they’re the first to point fingers: “It wasn’t my fault; someone else messed it up.” And when things go well? Oh, you’d better believe they want their name in bright lights.

It’s exhausting. It’s demoralizing. And yet, for some reason, they’re still here, being tolerated, because hey, they know that one part of the legacy codebase that no one else does. Classic tribal knowledge, right? Instead of creating a culture where people share knowledge and work collaboratively, we’re stuck with a bottleneck that thrives on making themselves indispensable by withholding information.

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When the Difficult Person is a Leader

Now, it’s bad enough when the difficult person is a team member. But when they’re in a leadership role? That’s when things go from annoying to downright toxic. A leader with an inflated ego, who refuses to take accountability, sets the tone for the entire organization. They blame everyone else when things go wrong, micromanage when it suits them, and hog the spotlight when there’s praise to be had.

And the worst part? Everyone else sees it. The team watches as bad behavior is rewarded or, at the very least, not punished. It creates an environment where people learn that it’s okay to act like that; after all, if the boss does it, why can’t I? The culture of the company becomes defined by what it tolerates, and if it tolerates ego-driven, blame-shifting leaders, that’s exactly what it will breed.

A company’s culture is defined by its worst accepted behavior.

Let that sink in for a moment. When we let these individuals run rampant, we’re telling the rest of the team that this behavior is acceptable. We’re saying that it’s okay to burn people out, to create an environment of hostility, to ignore collaboration in favor of personal glory. And in the long term, that’s a recipe for disaster. High turnover, low morale, and a team that’s too burnt out to care anymore.

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Ego Stroking as a Requirement

Let me share an example. I once worked on a team where one of the senior developers, let’s call him “Bob,” was known for being difficult. Bob had been with the company for years and knew the codebase inside out. But getting him to work on anything outside of his comfort zone or play nice with others required an elaborate ritual of ego-stroking. We’d have to tell Bob how important his expertise was, how no one else could do it quite like him, and maybe, just maybe, he’d begrudgingly agree to help.

Everyone knew it was a problem. Bob was a bottleneck, and every project that touched his domain was delayed because it required his blessing. The team wasted countless hours trying to get him on board, and the overall productivity suffered. But management tolerated it because, well, “we need Bob.” And so, the rest of us just had to deal with it, even if it meant burning out in the process.

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The Long-Term Impact

The reality is that allowing this kind of behavior to continue has a long-term impact that’s hard to ignore. It creates a culture of resentment, where team members feel undervalued and overworked. The people who genuinely want to collaborate and contribute without drama eventually leave. And who can blame them? No one wants to work in an environment where the loudest, most self-centered voices get all the attention and rewards.

The company is left with a team that’s a shadow of what it could be - a group of people who are just there to get a paycheck, who have stopped trying to improve things because they know it won’t make a difference. The talented, driven individuals move on to places where they feel appreciated, where they’re not constantly dealing with someone else’s ego.

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Changing the Culture

So, what’s the solution? The company (or the team) needs to make a conscious decision to change. It starts with leadership acknowledging the problem and committing to address it (this is one of those cases where bottom-up change doesn’t work as fast or as effectively). Difficult people can’t be allowed to derail the entire team’s progress. They need to be held accountable, just like everyone else. And if they’re not willing to change? It might be time to part ways.

Building a positive team culture means setting boundaries and expectations for behavior. It means rewarding collaboration, not just individual contributions. It means recognizing that the most valuable people aren’t the ones with the most technical knowledge; they’re the ones who lift the team, who share their knowledge, and who make everyone around them better.

If you’re a leader, take a hard look at what you’re tolerating. Is there someone on your team whose behavior is dragging everyone else down? Are you allowing ego and emotions to take precedence over teamwork and respect? Because if you are, then that’s the culture you’re creating. One where bad behavior is excused, and everyone else has to suffer for it.

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Stop Tolerating Toxicity

Working with difficult people is inevitable, but tolerating their bad behavior doesn’t have to be. A company’s culture is defined by its worst accepted behavior. So let’s make sure that behavior isn’t one that burns people out, creates hostility, and derails progress. Let’s build teams that value collaboration over ego, where being a team player is more important than being the smartest person in the room.

Because at the end of the day, no one wants to work with a genius if it means sacrificing their own sanity. Let’s choose a culture of respect, support, and acceptance. The kind of culture where everyone can thrive, not just the loudest voice in the room.

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📅 Coming Next Week