How to be a Mediocre Product Manager
A Masterclass in Bare Minimum Excellence
So, you want to be a Product Manager. But not just any product manager, You want to be a solidly, unapologetically mediocre product manager. Not great, not terrible, just comfortably wedged in the middle of the competency bell curve. The kind of PM that people tolerate, but no one would actively recommend.
Well, good news! I’ve put together the perfect guide to underwhelming product leadership. Follow these steps and you’ll blend into the corporate scenery so seamlessly that no one will ever think to promote (or fire) you.
1. Have No Clear Vision, Just Vibes
A great product manager has a compelling vision. But you? You don't need that kind of pressure. Instead, make vague, inspirational statements that sound deep but mean nothing.
Example:
"We need to leverage AI to disrupt our space!" (Leverage AI how? For what? Who cares! It’s AI!)
"We should be more customer-centric" (Groundbreaking insight, really. Now let’s all sit quietly and let the engineers figure it out.)
Pro tip: When someone asks for specifics, just say, "It depends" Then move to another meeting before anyone can follow up.
2. Master the Art of the Buzzword Bingo
Great PMs articulate real problems. You, however, should focus on sounding like a product visionary without actually saying anything.
Here’s a handy template for any situation:
"We need to align our roadmap to drive synergies across scalable, data-driven, AI-powered ecosystems while ensuring a seamless, customer-centric experience."
Bonus points if you say "north star" at least twice per meeting.
3. Don’t Prioritize, Just Say Yes to Everything
Real prioritization is hard. It requires saying "no" sometimes and that might make someone mildly unhappy. Instead, commit to everything, all the time and let engineering deal with the consequences.
When your team gets overwhelmed, remind them: "We’re an agile company! Just be more agile!"
And when leadership asks why nothing is shipping, blame "cross-team dependencies"
4. Hold as Many Meetings as Humanly Possible
You may not be great at building products, but you can be great at filling people’s calendars with pointless meetings.
Status update? Meeting.
Review the roadmap that’s already in Confluence? Meeting.
Alignment meeting to discuss the alignment of future meetings? Yes.
If someone asks, “Could this have been a slack message?” just say: "We need real-time collaboration", Then schedule a retrospective on meeting efficiency.
5. Delegate All the Hard Work, Take Credit for Success
Why get your hands dirty when there are engineers, designers and data analysts for that? Your real skill should be delegating everything, then swooping in at the last moment to present the results as if you personally built the product with your own two hands.
And if the project fails? Just say: "We lacked executive buy-in"
6. Feature Factory? Yes, Please!
Forget about solving customer problems, just focus on shipping as many features as possible. More features mean more impact, right? Right?!
Don’t bother validating ideas.
Don't define success metrics.
Just launch things and hope for the best.
When leadership asks about the adoption rate of your last five features, distract them by saying "We need to revisit our OKRs"
7. Ignore Engineering Constraints. They’ll Figure It Out
The best way to be a true mediocre PM is to treat engineers like vending machines. You put in a vague requirement and poof, software comes out.
If an engineer pushes back on feasibility, say "Let’s be solutions-oriented"
If they ask for trade-offs, respond with "Can't we just make it an MVP?"
And if all else fails, "What would Amazon do?"
Bonus: Write "Just a small tweak" in JIRA tickets that requires three months of backend refactoring.
8. User Research? Nah, Just Assume
Why waste time talking to users when you can just assume what they want?
Never test hypotheses.
Never check analytics.
Just follow your gut, or better yet, ask the HiPPO (highest-paid person) in the room.
When someone suggests a usability study, roll your eyes and say: "Steve Jobs never did user research"
9. Be the Master of Roadmap Chaos
Your roadmap should be a work of art, constantly shifting and changing so no one ever really knows what’s happening.
Shift priorities every other week.
Always be in “exploration mode”
When leadership asks what’s actually launching this quarter, say "We’re taking an iterative approach"
If all else fails, just send a beautifully formatted PowerPoint deck. People love decks.
10. Have No Opinion, But Insist on Consensus
Your job isn’t to drive decisions - it’s to make sure no one is unhappy.
Instead of making tough calls, endlessly gather more "alignment"
Instead of defining trade-offs, ask "What does everyone think?" until people stop showing up to meetings.
When leadership asks for your recommendation, just say, "It’s a complex problem"
Congratulations! You’ve officially created decision paralysis and delayed every roadmap item by six months.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Mediocrity
If you follow these steps, you won’t be known as a great PM but you also won’t be known as a terrible one. You’ll exist in that comfortable middle space where expectations are low, meetings are plenty and you always have a new PRD to share.
And isn’t that what corporate success is all about?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to send a Slack message asking if we should schedule a meeting about the roadmap.